Tuesday, June 9, 2009

Thoughts on Love

So I've been missing Brent. Brent loves music. On our first date he took me to a concert of one of his favorite local bands, Ryan Shupe and the Rubberband. It was great bluegrass music followed by a wonderful fireworks show. At the end of the night, I was a fan of Ryan Shupe and the Rubberband and I was a little more in love with Brent.

This week I put in their CD Hey! Hey! Hey! (recently rereleased under the title Dream Big) and have been reliving that magical evening. The chorus of one song really got me thinking the other day. It goes, "Would you love me if it won't hurt you at all?"

I have been contemplating the implications of loving without the risk of getting hurt. I don't think true love exists without the risk of getting hurt.

Inevitably Brent has said or done something that hurt my feelings. We're human and we're different; it's bound to happen. I'm sure I've unintentionally hurt his feelings. Now, to be honest, I could enjoy loving Brent without this kind of hurt. It's usually over superficial things and the hurt passes quickly.

But, as I scrutinized our relationship, I realize there are a whole host of experiences we've shared that have brought us closer together, but have also involved a bit of hurt. I remember the semester we were engaged, Brent failed one of his classes. He agonized over that grade and the effort he had put into the class. I hurt right along side him. I didn't just feel his pain, though, I also felt my own pain at the part I had played in that grade. I could have given him more time to study. I could have helped him study. The list goes on. But, in the end, we learned, together, what he needed in order to do well in a class. I'm happy to say that not only did he never fail another class, his GPA steadily improved and he was accepted to medical school despite that failing grade. We have had so much joy over that accomplishment and we would not have known that together had we not also hurt together.

There have been other disappointments that have come to us individually but that we have endured together. My love for Brent is stronger and deeper because I have been a part of the most vulnerable and painful experiences he has had over the past 5 years. This ability to share and to feel together is what bonds our hearts as one. That to me is true love.

On the other hand, how hard would it be to be the one who promises it won't hurt if you love me? Think of all the things we could never share, all the tears we could never shed, and consequently all the joy in overcoming that we would never experience. My intent is never to cause pain, but I'm so glad I can tell Brent that I'm absolutely miserable without him here at home and know that it may hurt him to know I'm miserable, but it also reaffirms my love for him and the permanent place he has in my heart and life.

I'm not a masochist, but I wouldn't accept the offer to love without getting hurt. The two emotions weave in and around each other creating a rope that binds us together and makes us stronger as a couple.

I love you, Brent. We're halfway done!


Melitsa said...

well written Amber. Separations are hard and full of examination and self reflection. We started out in a long distance relationship via phone ( before email/IM lol) I think you must love hard and long. There's always a risk and right now a great payoff.

Mrs. Sclater said...

i remember COT. I didnt handle it with as much dignity & grace as you are! I hope your doing okay. I want you to know this post touched my heart & was something I needed today. So thank you. Its as if you wrote it for me. Im so excited for you guys to get out here & join us in the rural south! YEE HAW!

SkylarKD said...

Just wanted to pop in to say that I hope that everything is alright with you folks and that your moving prep is going well!

Kristin said...

Beautiful post. Thanks for sharing. (I contributed to David getting a D and I shared the guilt. We're still hoping it won't hurt him when applying for a doctorate.)

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